When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
