i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
