Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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