I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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