Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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