coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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