I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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