Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
