did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
