my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
