1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you bring me the toilet please
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
