you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
