Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
