Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
