cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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