Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
