It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
