hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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