A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
