Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
