I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
