If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
