just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i will never coherently bang her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.