I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
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Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.