He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours