My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?