Texts From Last Night

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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.

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  (337): I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week. http://tfl.nu/rnvn
  Replies (27) Good night (4825) Bad night (921)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.

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  (609): he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/w4ku
  Replies (17) Good night (783) Bad night (6798)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

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  (843): I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out. http://tfl.nu/mzmx
  Replies (7) Good night (1111) Bad night (4180)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign

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  (732): mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign http://tfl.nu/djhl
  Replies (29) Good night (5808) Bad night (1071)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym

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  (508): It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym http://tfl.nu/opd7
  Replies (27) Good night (3796) Bad night (1377)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?

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  (419): How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/9rcf
  Replies (20) Good night (1240) Bad night (3818)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.

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  (215): Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing. http://tfl.nu/grk7
  Replies (9) Good night (3504) Bad night (1287)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks

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  (440): Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks http://tfl.nu/2p99
  Replies (17) Good night (4755) Bad night (1830)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.

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  (206): I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/t4ey
  Replies (3) Good night (1177) Bad night (3134)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.

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  (316): Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary. http://tfl.nu/cfqj
  Replies (14) Good night (2574) Bad night (1478)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face

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  (662): It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face http://tfl.nu/qofd
  Replies (9) Good night (2161) Bad night (1445)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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  (402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em
  Replies (16) Good night (2490) Bad night (823)
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  (564): View more from Washington

  I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.

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  (564): I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened. http://tfl.nu/a3m1
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (412)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans

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  (317): He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans http://tfl.nu/lyo2
  Replies (0) Good night (576) Bad night (312)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.

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  (731): He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever. http://tfl.nu/ca2r
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (348)

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