Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Your tits are I can't wait for

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  (647): Your tits are I can't wait for http://tfl.nu/8px6
  Replies (6) Good night (1362) Bad night (477)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (1017) Bad night (3038)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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  (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole. http://tfl.nu/2lml
  Replies (37) Good night (5332) Bad night (907)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I GOT MY PERIOD!

  (706): View more from Georgia

  damn. i had names picked out.

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  (706): I GOT MY PERIOD! (706): damn. i had names picked out. http://tfl.nu/tcr6
  Replies (18) Good night (7279) Bad night (1074)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

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  (503): I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves http://tfl.nu/4g59
  Replies (25) Good night (5639) Bad night (712)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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  (631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik
  Replies (94) Good night (11212) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture

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  (717): I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture http://tfl.nu/ued3
  Replies (15) Good night (4284) Bad night (1215)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.

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  (317): I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account. http://tfl.nu/ui6k
  Replies (21) Good night (6447) Bad night (1305)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?

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  (850): if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair? http://tfl.nu/1ccg
  Replies (6) Good night (946) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.

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  (914): She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head. http://tfl.nu/hrvg
  Replies (5) Good night (1596) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon

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  (757): There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon http://tfl.nu/7pni
  Replies (3) Good night (1467) Bad night (534)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.

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  (610): I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/onnq
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear

  (310): View more from California

  We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.

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  (310): The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear (310): We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics. http://tfl.nu/35z2
  Replies (6) Good night (1252) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping

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  (403): Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping http://tfl.nu/43en
  Replies (6) Good night (1267) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants

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  (256): I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants http://tfl.nu/j7tx
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (264)

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