He uses pillows to masturbate.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you