I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.