i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
