My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
