I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All the doctor said was why
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