Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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