Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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