That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
