It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
