cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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