hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
