I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
