is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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