I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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