shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
