I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
