I think my vagina is haunted
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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