I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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