Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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