my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
