I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
