Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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