I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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