Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
