i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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