I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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