Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
