can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
