stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
