at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
