You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
