Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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