were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
