It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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