so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize