so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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