I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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