i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
