1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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