Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
