I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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